Many children have tantrums. Some have meltdowns.
The two emotional outbursts can look similar. In fact, parents might not be able to tell the difference.
However, the difference is important. First of all, being able to tell the difference helps us to better understand what a child is going through. This makes it easier to empathize with our children.
Moreover, managing a meltdown requires different tactics compared to dealing with a tantrum. Therefore, knowing the difference can help immensely when trying to resolve the problem.
What Is a Tantrum?
Tantrums are a normal phase in growing up. We often think of them when we talk about kids in their "terrible twos." Tantrums include crying, screaming, kicking, hitting, and generally acting out.
Tantrums usually happen when:
A child is trying to get a parent’s attention
They want something that they aren’t getting
They're frustrated (in turn, they may also get angry)
Young children often have tantrums because they haven’t yet learned to use their words to clearly express their feeling, wants, and needs. They act out instead.
What Is a Meltdown?
A meltdown is an emotional outburst that happens when a child feels overwhelmed. Most commonly, the term is used to describe kids who are overstimulated. This is especially common among children with sensory processing issues, including children on the autism spectrum.
Meltdowns can be triggered by excessive:
Noise
Touch
People
Lighting
Odor
Information
Thoughts
Tantrums and Meltdowns: Similar but Different
A meltdown can look a lot like a tantrum. The crying, screaming, and kicking may happen.
However, something entirely different is happening in the body. During a meltdown, the child’s body goes into survival mode. The “fight or flight” instinct kicks in.
Therefore, children in a meltdown may try to:
Escape
Hide
Cover their eyes
Curl into a ball
Bury themselves in a parent’s arms
Those are all signs of wanting to flee something they fear, something that is a threat.
The Big Difference
Although tantrums and meltdowns can look similar, their root cause is different. The biggest difference is that children experiencing tantrums still have some control over their behavior.
Of course, how much control a child has during a tantrum varies. The child’s unique situation, as well as their developmental age, can limit their ability to control themselves. Nevertheless, their bodies are capable of self-control to some degree.
In contrast, because children in meltdowns are in survival mode, they can’t control themselves. Their bodies need to re-regulate before they can control their behavior.
You can also think of the difference this way: a child in a tantrum is seeking interaction with you, whereas a child in a meltdown is having an internal experience.
Tantrums vs. Meltdowns: How to Help Your Child
In both cases, it helps for the child to have a calm, safe space to go to. Children experiencing a meltdown may need you to make the decision to move them to that space.
What are some specific things you can do as the parent when your child experiences either?
When dealing with a child’s tantrum:
Be clear about the behavior that you expect.
Have consequences.
Ignore tantrum behavior.
Praise positive behavior.
Acknowledge what your child wants but don’t give in to it.
Talk about their feelings when the child is calm and discuss better behavior options.
When helping a child through a meltdown:
The best thing that you can do for a child with sensory processing issues is to prevent meltdowns.
Learn your child's triggers. Notice when they begin to escalate. You want to help them stay regulated in their bodies before the meltdown kicks in. Remember, though, you can't avoid all meltdowns.
During a meltdown:
Reduce sensory input. This can mean that you dim the lights, turn off sounds, or leave a crowded area.
Provide physical touch or space if your child wants that.
Allow time for your child's body to regulate. That means you may need to change the day's plans.
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Helping a child through a meltdown or dealing with a tantrum are just a couple of challenges parents will encounter. If you need more assistance or would like to learn more about how therapy can help you or your child, please contact us.